Bit of a strange one today everyone. Let’s begin with GABOS (this kind of leads into my main vein of musing stick with it).
“GABOS” – Game ain’t based on sympathy.
Pretty accurate way of summing a number of things up really. Even if it did come from a guy on death row in a Theroux doc.
Mike Tyson. A pretty fucking hard chap by all accounts and not one that I would soon mess with. The facial ink scares me silly and the notorious and famous chomping of Evander Holyfield’s ear shakes me to the core (I have very small ears, mine would be the equivalent of a Quaver to him). These days though, he’s an altogether softer character. Been through the ringer et-cetera, mellowed with age blah blah blah.
These days he’s all about something that I cannot abide, Pigeons. Or flying rats as I affectionately call them. Urgh.
Going back to the ear biting briefly; you wouldn’t expect him to be a fussy eater after said lug-hole ravaging would you? Probably not, but cooking and eating one of his beloved pigeons? In his mind it’s probably comparable to me oven roasting my Cat.
Combine the Pigeon loving & ear biting for a minute, add into the mix Tyson’s (now ex) ‘woman’ as he calls her (Nice bloke). Tyson gets the psycho tables turned on him somewhat when he finds out that aforementioned woman has crept up to his rooftop Pigeon paradise and killed, cooked and eaten one of beloved Pigeons. Man oh man, If I was her, I’d be running for the hills, covering my ears. Obvs.
Has anyone seen her since for that matter?
Best story on the Daily Mail online so far this year (yeah I devour the Daily Mail online, get right over that now). Is that Tysons ex-girlfriend killed, cooked and ate one of his pigeons. An act that is equal in bravery as it is in debauchery.
Totally riffing here, going to now try and make this ramble a bit more connected than a kibbutz is to the wider world. So, back to sympathy and GABOS. Not got a shred of sympathy for Tyson in this story, mainly because I was too busy guffawing like a rabid animal at the thought of Mike Tyson coming in through his front door after skipping down the street back from the flower market or some shit:
Tyson chirps in a tone full of the joys of Spring.
“Woman you cooking? Somethin’ smells good! I must admit I’m pretty peckish”
From his kitchen table she looks up at him. Like a scene from a zombie movie when the zombie looks up from it’s latest human victim and snarls, totally dead behind the eyes and continues to wolf on its mangled human being. A moment that feels like an age passes between them as their eyes meet and Tyson realises what she is chowing down on.
“OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. WH-WH-WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” He howls like an injured wolf. “ISTHATONEOFMY? OHGODITIS!!”
He clutches the Pigeons dismembered head in his massive hands. A look of sheer horror and terror etched and frozen on the pigeons lifeless beak forever, a telling sign of it’s traumatic, cold blooded ending. The former undisputed heavyweight champion of the world surveys the blood bath and slew of feathers around him with bulging eyeballs full of pure shock. The Pigeons scaly feet poke our from under Tyson’s grill as the last bit wasn’t quite cooked so she placed it back under the grill.Last thing she wants is food poisoning right?
Reeling from the shock of what is happening in front of him. The deepest betrayal he could have suffered.
“YOUVE KILLED THOR!!!” He booms. “MY FAVOURITE, MY MOST BEAUTIFUL, MY MOST SENSITIVE AND MY MOST ELEGANT PIGEON AND YOU’VE PUT MOMMAS HOT SAUCE ON HIM! HOW COULD YOU?!!! THE HORROR!!”
The re-formed gentle giant regresses into his fists of fury boxing days as he thinks about all the tender moments he and Thor had shared, the way he used to coo in a way that purveyed his intense interest when Mike showed him clips of his fights on Youtube, the way Thor used to put his head to one side when Tyson told him stories about his past, the women, the cars and the red mist Thor understood that was all behind him now. The searing pain became too much. He slams his door sized hands down on the bottle of hot sauce and it goes everywhere, adding to the blood-bath murder scene now going on in his once tranquil Pigeon haven. Heartbroken from the loss of Thor he slumps on the floor. Sobbing quietly. The last remnants of Thor now burning under the grill.